I recently revisited my first Weight Watchers experience in 2004 to give myself a reminder that it CAN be done. I went back in November of last year, and I've been struggling every single day since. Ok, maybe not every day; some days I completely ignore the fact that I should watch what I eat. For the most part, though, it's there, in the back of mind, nagging and bitching at me: "Don't eat that! Ugh, you know better. What's wrong with you?"
So, back to 2004. I started at the end of August and a week later, my dad passed away. My emotions were all over the place, and I had school that I needed to concentrate on. I felt like I couldn't control anything, but I could control food. I was focused, super intense on tracking everything I ate and sticking to my points every day. Obviously, the plan worked. In 18 weeks, I lost 25 pounds. During those 18 weeks, I maintained in Week 4, gained 0.2 in Week 6, gained 0.8 in Week 8, and gained 0.8 in Week 15. Seriously - I lost weight in 14 of those 18 weeks to the tune of 25 pounds. That's awesome. By August of 2005, after one year on Weight Watchers, I had lost 44 pounds. I looked and felt better than I had in about 10 years.
Flashforward to September 2011. I have now been back on the plan since November 29 - 41.29 weeks (thanks WolframAlpha). I have managed, barely, to keep off 2.2 pounds. Are you fucking kidding me? And there I am in my head, wondering every day what my problem is. What is so different this time that I can't seem to focus for more than 2 consecutive days?
Epiphany. It came in the past couple weeks. If you've been reading, a recent post detailed my unhappiness with one of my jobs. Once I made the decision to not teach there in the coming term, a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. Part of the conflict was not wanting to disappoint my supervisor, a woman whom I respect and enjoy spending time with outside of work. But I also knew that if I didn't take time for me, I was on a fast track to serious burnout. I really need to work on me.
I was reminded last week by my Weight Watchers leader that when I lost the weight in 2004, I was a single mom going to school and working part time. Life was mellower then - my responsibilities were limited to caring for one kid, passing my classes, and getting work on time. Truly, life was much easier then. Now, I have two kids, a significant other who spends significant time working out of town, a full-time plus workload teaching writing between two schools, a volunteer position with a local group, and various on-the-side business ventures. Yeah, just a little busier than before. Duh, and I wonder why I have no time for me. I'm always doing other things - I'm low on the list.
But no more. When I did this last time, I made ME a priority. It's time to put ME first again.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Open Window
I'm at peace with where my life is at the moment. I had to make a tough decision, but once I did, everything else seemed to fall into place. It's a great feeling, but not anything that I can put into words, so I've borrowed some pictures from the internet to show you. Enjoy!
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| http://myartlessonplans.com/ |
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| http://wallpapers.free-review.net/42__Spring_Blossoms.htm |
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| http://www.taltopia.com/view/177265/ |
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http://www.arthit.ru/abstract/0079/abstract-art-18.html |
Monday, September 5, 2011
Grading ... Not Grading
I am supposed to be grading. It feels like I'm always supposed to be grading. Yes, I knew this was going to be part of the job going in, but I never in my wildest dreams could have imagined the sheer tedium of grading essays into which virtually no effort has been put.
I have ranted about students and grading before (here and here), but the apathy appears to be getting worse. Either that, or I am getting more and more bitchy and sensitive about the students' lack of care.
To top it off, at one of the schools where I teach, there is a culture of doing more to make the students happy, rather than put the burden of educational responsibility where it belongs - on the students themselves. How are we teaching them to survive in the real world if we continuously pander to their dependence? My teenager is more independent than more than half the students who come into my classroom. He know that excuses don't fly, so don't even try. He could teach my students a thing or two about taking responsibility, but they wouldn't hear it.
School can be a fun and exciting time, but the majority of the time spent in school is time spent working, including approximately 2-3 hours of work outside of class for each hour spent in. Many students don't do the work for reasons unknown to me. It could be that they're lazy, they forgot, or they just don't bother (I'm leaning toward the last). Am I not supposed to assign work outside of class now? I can just see it: "Students are unhappy with completing homework outside of class; therefore, we have decided that all work must be completed in class, so students are free to party and not think about school once they leave every day." This is not outside of the realm of possibility: students were just given equal parking rights. If you're an adjunct instructor with classes later in the day, you get to park in the back of the lot. Hope you didn't piss off any students today, or you might end up with a keyed door.
The whole thing has made me a bit bitter about my chosen profession. Yes, I entered into this career knowing that I had to do the dirty work, but I didn't foresee the politics involved in making sure students are happy so that they stay enrolled, rather than focusing my energy on those students who give a shit about learning something, about bettering themselves to get that better job, about learning for the sake of gaining knowledge about the world. Why do I have to spend my and my family's time putting energy into something that so blatantly doesn't deserve it? Maybe I'll start using this method to grade essays from now on (he uses exams, but I think the principle will hold): Guide to Grading Exams.
I just now realized that my blue pen and correction tape match, as do the grey pen and stapler - that was totally not planned. I'll try to take that as the silver lining to this cloud. Maybe it will spur me to continue grading.....
I have ranted about students and grading before (here and here), but the apathy appears to be getting worse. Either that, or I am getting more and more bitchy and sensitive about the students' lack of care.
To top it off, at one of the schools where I teach, there is a culture of doing more to make the students happy, rather than put the burden of educational responsibility where it belongs - on the students themselves. How are we teaching them to survive in the real world if we continuously pander to their dependence? My teenager is more independent than more than half the students who come into my classroom. He know that excuses don't fly, so don't even try. He could teach my students a thing or two about taking responsibility, but they wouldn't hear it.
School can be a fun and exciting time, but the majority of the time spent in school is time spent working, including approximately 2-3 hours of work outside of class for each hour spent in. Many students don't do the work for reasons unknown to me. It could be that they're lazy, they forgot, or they just don't bother (I'm leaning toward the last). Am I not supposed to assign work outside of class now? I can just see it: "Students are unhappy with completing homework outside of class; therefore, we have decided that all work must be completed in class, so students are free to party and not think about school once they leave every day." This is not outside of the realm of possibility: students were just given equal parking rights. If you're an adjunct instructor with classes later in the day, you get to park in the back of the lot. Hope you didn't piss off any students today, or you might end up with a keyed door.
The whole thing has made me a bit bitter about my chosen profession. Yes, I entered into this career knowing that I had to do the dirty work, but I didn't foresee the politics involved in making sure students are happy so that they stay enrolled, rather than focusing my energy on those students who give a shit about learning something, about bettering themselves to get that better job, about learning for the sake of gaining knowledge about the world. Why do I have to spend my and my family's time putting energy into something that so blatantly doesn't deserve it? Maybe I'll start using this method to grade essays from now on (he uses exams, but I think the principle will hold): Guide to Grading Exams.
I just now realized that my blue pen and correction tape match, as do the grey pen and stapler - that was totally not planned. I'll try to take that as the silver lining to this cloud. Maybe it will spur me to continue grading.....
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