Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Dad

My dad would have been 75 today.  Eight years ago, just a week after his birthday, he passed away from complications following surgery for an aneurysm.  Hard to believe it's been that long already.

I don't remember my dad being around when I was a kid.  I have flashes of memories, like the bottles of Gilbey's gin under the bar in the kitchen and Dad sitting in the bright yellow chair at the dining room table.  But these memories are few. 

I remember him mostly after my parents divorced.  The first several years afterwards, we did a lot of fun things on the weekends with him - San Diego Zoo, the Wild Animal Park, TRW Night at Disneyland, Magic Mountain.  Maybe he was trying to make up for not being there all week, but he hadn't been around during the week before the divorce.  More than amusement parks, I loved when he read to us in that wonderful baritone voice - Animal Farm is still one of my favorites.

I was always glad that my parents were divorced.  My dad was a hard ass whose opinion was the only one that mattered.  I could never tell him what kind of music I listened to when he wasn't around.  I couldn't tell him about things that were important to me.  My teenager years were tough enough, figuring out who I was and who I wanted to be, without his oppressive presence.

He may not have been the best dad, but I think he tried.  He came to every event, even if it meant driving from LA on a Wednesday night and going back to work the next day.  I don't think he missed any softball or baseball games or choir concerts.  I always felt a great deal of performance anxiety when he was there, but the fact that was there meant something.

And then he got grandkids.  He could still be an jerk, but I think he finally was learning what he did wrong as a dad.  He was a gentler man with his grandkids.  He was a really good grandpa, and I am so sad that my daughter never got to meet him. 

We butted heads a lot, but I miss him.  I wish he could have been there when I got my Master's degree.  I wish he could see how his grandkids have all grown up.  I wish I knew more of his crazy stories about his childhood.  I wish I didn't miss him sometimes.

Peace, Dad.

   



Thursday, August 16, 2012

P90X - Week Five Redux

I am doing Week Five over again, though I didn't start until Tuesday, so I missed two days of the week.  I started back to work on Monday (teaching), so I need to figure out how to get my workouts in on my work days.  I did get up early two days to work out first thing.  That seemed okay, but once the kids go back to school next week, I'll have to get up even earlier if I'm going to keep that up.  I'm a night owl - waking up early is tough because going to bed early just doesn't happen.  If I try to sleep before I'm really ready, I don't sleep well at all.  

Workouts
This week has a couple of new workouts from P90X.  I did the first one yesterday - Chest, Shoulders, and Triceps.  I am so sore today!  I love those arm workouts, and I love feeling the muscles getting toned - I can actually feel my triceps!  I really enjoy working out, but as you will read below, it's not going to do much for me if I can't change my eating behavior. 

Eating: P90X and Weight Watchers
So totally off the wagon.  If I can't make myself get back on track, I'm going to very quickly undo the work I've done so far.  I already have been bummed that I only lost five pounds in a month, when I should have been able to do more had I stayed on the plan.  Now, here I am, totally sabotaging myself yet again.  I have done this again and again and again.  Any time I make some progress and start to feel good about the process, I kill the process.  I stop tracking, stop eating well, stop prepping.  I just stop doing all the things that I know work and go back to old, bad habits.  It's time to start figuring out why I continue to do this to myself.

P90X - Week Five Recap

Not good.....  Week Five was just not good.  On Sunday of the week, we went to Yosemite to do some hiking - nothing major, but I was looking forward to getting up to the mountains.  It was great almost the entire time, but just before we were getting ready to leave, I fell.  I twisted an ankle and came down on my wrist.  I figured I would be done for a day, but my ankle was sore for two days and my wrist was sore nearly the entire week.  Not good.....
Weight Loss Week Two: +0.4 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 4.8 lbs

Workouts
None.  I didn't work out at all the entire week.  For the first part of the week, I was really feeling bad about not working out, but I didn't want to hurt myself more.  The second half of the week, I just didn't make the time, and that's not good at all.  I let myself get totally derailed.
Eating: P90X and Weight Watchers
More badness.  I didn't track.  And I didn't stay on track.  I know I made terrible choices because I didn't go to the grocery store and buy the things I should.  And it was hot, so I didn't feel like turning on the oven to cook.  And I was lazy - I just didn't feel like doing anything to eat well.  No prep, nothing.  I'm lucky I only gained 0.4 pounds this week.

P90X - Week Four Recap

I'm really behind on blogging about my workouts and weight loss.  But here goes with some recaps.  At the end of Week Four, I measured myself to compare with my beginning measurements.  I lost 9.1 total inches!  That was crazy!  I didn't lose any weight in Week Four, but I had a feeling that would be the case - I didn't eat as well as I should have, and I knew it.  But that was okay.  I was excited to see the loss in inches because I could tell that my clothes were looser.  I just didn't think it would be that much in a month!
Weight Loss Week Two: 0.0 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 5.2 lbs
Total Inches Lost: 9.1
Workouts
Through Week Four, I did all my workouts - 3 days of P90X strength workouts, 3 days of Walk Away the Pounds 4 Miles, and X Stretch on Saturday.  The P90X workouts were focused on abs - there were two days of Core Synergistics.  I loved it!  Just feeling the core engage is always good.
Eating: P90X and Weight Watchers
And this is where I am not doing well.  Week Four was still okay, but I was slipping.  I was still tracking, so that was good, but I was going over points more often and using more than just my activity points, actually cutting in to the weekly points a lot.  And I already know that I don't lose weight if I use weekly points.  I definitely let myself slide, and I need to work on getting back on track.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

P90X - Days 22 and 23 Recap

After Friday's margarita madness (two drinks - woo!), I've let myself slip going into this week.  My loss was low for last week, and I'm sure I'm letting that affect me now.  I need to continue reminding myself that a loss is still a loss - I'm still moving the scale in the right direction.  And I know the reasons why I lost such a small amount, so all I have to do is fix it.  Instead, I've been beating myself up.  I don't want to rehash that day in every post - I did what I did, and now I need to focus on today.  Today I will stay within my points.  Today I will drink enough water.  Today I will make the best choices.  Today I will be nice to myself.

Workouts: Walk Away the Pounds 4 Miles and Core Synergistics
Day 22 was WATP.  I'll be doing this 3 days each week.  I am going to need some variety, so I'm looking to get another version of the DVD to mix it up.  While I like this DVD, I know I'm going to get bored at some point.  There are so many WATP workouts out there, so I'll be able to have a good variety.

Day 23 was Core Synergistics.  Engage!  That is the "tip of the day" on this DVD.  All the exercises are focused on the core.  I really like it!  I can't do some of the moves (sciatic nerve for some, inability for others), but I did as much as I could and tried everything!  I could probably have a wildly popular YouTube channel if I posted videos of myself attempting these workouts.  It's not a pretty sight, but it's probably funny as hell! 

Eating: P90X and Weight Watchers
Blah, blah, blah.  I've gotten off track in the last week or so, and I really need to be more strict.  Obviously, my new plan has not become habit yet.  I've got to be more strict if I want to make the changes long term.  Part of the problem is that I'm getting bored.  I really need to figure out a wider variety of salads.  I do like having salads for lunch - they can be filling but not heavy, and I like something that I don't have to cook at lunch.  When the semester starts in a couple weeks, I'm going to want something quick to prepare on the days I teach.  There are so many good, healthy foods - I just need to keep temptation out of the house. 

Here's what I ate on Day 22 and Day 23.

What kind of activities do you like to do to keep yourself moving (besides workouts)?