Mommy

My daughter calls me "Mommy."  I like it; that's who I am to her.  I am her "mommy" - there is only one other person in the world who has called me Mommy (he grew out of it - punk).  It's my title in my home, but don't confuse it with a descriptor of who I am - the term does not define me.

I hate (loathe, destest, despise, abhor, anathematize) the term "mommy" when used by adult women to describe themselves.

I think it stems from the fact that part of the problem with many kids today is their sense of entitlement.  They've been given everything they've ever wanted from the moment they graced their parents' lives.  There is a sense in young people that just because they are alive, they don't have to work for anything.  And it comes back to their "mommies" in the end.

This new breed of mother, the "mommies," are women who are now making their children the focus of their whole world.  Their entire identity is wrapped up in their children, giving all of their time and energy over to the kids.  Giving, giving, giving - all the time.  And the kids learn to take, take, take with no thought of anyone but themselves. 

My mom was a stay at home mom until I was about 7 when she had to rejoin the workforce.  Even still, when she was at home, I knew that I was not the sole focus of her life.  That's not to say that we didn't spend time together, but she had a home to run and other kids to take care of.  I got pawned off on the older siblings at times or was sent outside to play and get out of her hair.  My happiness, while I know that my mom wanted to make sure I was happy, was not the whole of her job.  She taught me to find happiness on my own and to think about things on my own, without her.  Life doesn't work that way.  The best moms teach their kids to be independent.

And that's an issue I have with the "mommies" today.  Their kids are never on their own!  Mommy is always there (helicopter mom), ensuring little darling's happiness at all moments.  Mommy has to be sure that the apple of her eye is perfectly comfortable with everything he or she wants to be fulfilled (no, I didn't say need - I don't dismiss that these women provide for the needs of their children, for the most part).  Little princess always get a toy when out shopping with Mommy.  Little buddy has all the video game systems and every new game that comes out.  Mommy is always there, ensuring happiness, but never allowing Junior to learn that sometimes life brings disappointment, sometimes life makes you wait for what you want.

All this is just to say that the phrase, "I'm a mommy," really drives me up the wall.  Some will think I'm a bad mother, but whatever.  I know I'm doing it right.  My kids will be strong, independent members of society.  They will treat others with respect, and they will never expect to get something they don't deserve.  And that's because I'm only Mommy by title.  My actual job description is educator: I am teaching my kids how to live in the real world!  And to do that, my kids have seen their mom in all her roles, not just one: mom, teacher, friend, sister, daughter, girlfriend, TV junkie, writer, editor, helper (there's more, but I'm tired)....

Now, if I could only get these women to see themselves as more, too.