Weight Loss.... Yet Again

(Warning: Lengthy Post!)

Ugh.  Here I am again.  It's been almost 5 years since I got pregnant with my cute little munchkin.  Nearly 5 years since my weight loss progress came to a screeching halt and made a tire-squealing u-turn back the other direction to the tune of 60 pounds.  Ugh is about the only word for it.  I've been back to Weight Watchers (WW) 4 times since 2007 with no progress whatsoever.  I'm getting sick and tired of being sick and tired, as Dave Ramsey would say.  But I can't figure out what's holding me back.  Apparently, I'm not sick and tired enough.  One day I might post my actual weight, but for now, you'll just have to be satisfied that it's A LOT.

My weight loss journey started in 2003.  A few months before I graduated from Cal State San Marcos, I decided I would try Atkins (don't worry - I know how bad an idea that is!).  In about a month, I lost 20 pounds.  That was great as a kick start, but completely unsustainable.  I gave up the Atkins and over the next year, managed to keep off 12 pounds.

In 2004, at the end of August, I signed up for WW for the first time in my life.  My sister had been on it for several months and was really successful.  She had lost a ton of weight, and being the competitive person I am, couldn't stand that she was losing weight while I wasn't.  It was on!

One week after I joined WW, my dad died.  I felt like my life was out of control.  I didn't do as well in school that semeseter as I could have because I couldn't seem to focus on anything school related.  But, I could focus on food.  And focus I did.  It was something I had absolute control over, and I watched my points and tracked my food for days, weeks, months without letting up.  My momentum carried me to a 25-pounds weight loss in  the first 5 months (including Christmas and New Year's!).
Between 2005 and 2006, I lost another 21 pounds.

In that time, I swam, did Walk Away the Pounds videos, lifted weights, never took stairs, and hiked.  I was active and had my food under control.  I was maintaining--still above my goal weight, but maintaining very well.  I had days when I slipped, but I always got right back on track. 

And then came pregnancy #2.  It was so vastly different from #1.  I was nauseated ALL the time.  It abated a little when I ate something, so I snacked A LOT.  But I was tired.  Sheer physical exhaustion.  When I came home from work every day, I crashed.  I was barely able to get kid #1 dinner and get him to bed before I passed out.  I was spotting and worried every day that I would miscarry.  And the weight came on, slowly at first but picking up momentum as each month went by.  In about my 5th or 6th month, I gained 10 pounds in a month.  And that was the month I watched what I was eating!  My doctor was concerned about toxemia because of the weight gain (luckily, it wasn't an issue, as I didn't have the accompanying hypertension).  Anyway, I gained 60 pounds with Miss Munchkin and have yet to take it off.  That's the point I guess. 

I am disappointed in myself.  I KNOW what it takes to do well at WW.  I know exactly what I have to do to take this weight off and keep it off.  I can't blame it on WW, as others do when they fail, because it's not WW--it's me.  So what the hell is my problem?  I haven't figured it out yet, but I am going to keep going.  I have to.  I can't spend the next 4 years where I am now.  I CANNOT turn 40 and feel like this because I know how good it felt to be strong, toned, and in shape. 

In 2009, I started WW again at the beginning of the year, go here and here if you want to read about it.  And then I changed careers in early 2010, which derailed me again.  In November 2010, I started again.  By March of 2011, I had lost 9 pounds.  I gained it back (exactly 9 pounds) by May.  Since June, I have kept 3 pounds off.  But really?  In 4 years, that's my progress?  Ugh, indeed.

This week, I went back to my meeting.  And I'm making a commitment to blog about the ups and downs.  Please send your positive vibes my way, and don't be shy about commenting - I need the encouragement!