My daughter calls me "Mommy." I like it; that's who I am to her. I am her "mommy" - there is only one other person in the world who has called me Mommy (he grew out of it - punk). It's my title in my home, but don't confuse it with a descriptor of who I am - the term does not define me.
I hate (loathe, destest, despise, abhor, anathematize) the term "mommy" when used by adult women to describe themselves.
I think it stems from the fact that part of the problem with many kids today is their sense of entitlement. They've been given everything they've ever wanted from the moment they graced their parents' lives. There is a sense in young people that just because they are alive, they don't have to work for anything. And it comes back to their "mommies" in the end.
This new breed of mother, the "mommies," are women who are now making their children the focus of their whole world. Their entire identity is wrapped up in their children, giving all of their time and energy over to the kids. Giving, giving, giving - all the time. And the kids learn to take, take, take with no thought of anyone but themselves.
My mom was a stay at home mom until I was about 7 when she had to rejoin the workforce. Even still, when she was at home, I knew that I was not the sole focus of her life. That's not to say that we didn't spend time together, but she had a home to run and other kids to take care of. I got pawned off on the older siblings at times or was sent outside to play and get out of her hair. My happiness, while I know that my mom wanted to make sure I was happy, was not the whole of her job. She taught me to find happiness on my own and to think about things on my own, without her. Life doesn't work that way. The best moms teach their kids to be independent.
And that's an issue I have with the "mommies" today. Their kids are never on their own! Mommy is always there (helicopter mom), ensuring little darling's happiness at all moments. Mommy has to be sure that the apple of her eye is perfectly comfortable with everything he or she wants to be fulfilled (no, I didn't say need - I don't dismiss that these women provide for the needs of their children, for the most part). Little princess always get a toy when out shopping with Mommy. Little buddy has all the video game systems and every new game that comes out. Mommy is always there, ensuring happiness, but never allowing Junior to learn that sometimes life brings disappointment, sometimes life makes you wait for what you want.
All this is just to say that the phrase, "I'm a mommy," really drives me up the wall. Some will think I'm a bad mother, but whatever. I know I'm doing it right. My kids will be strong, independent members of society. They will treat others with respect, and they will never expect to get something they don't deserve. And that's because I'm only Mommy by title. My actual job description is educator: I am teaching my kids how to live in the real world! And to do that, my kids have seen their mom in all her roles, not just one: mom, teacher, friend, sister, daughter, girlfriend, TV junkie, writer, editor, helper (there's more, but I'm tired)....
Now, if I could only get these women to see themselves as more, too.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Weight Loss.... Yet Again
(Warning: Lengthy Post!)
Ugh. Here I am again. It's been almost 5 years since I got pregnant with my cute little munchkin. Nearly 5 years since my weight loss progress came to a screeching halt and made a tire-squealing u-turn back the other direction to the tune of 60 pounds. Ugh is about the only word for it. I've been back to Weight Watchers (WW) 4 times since 2007 with no progress whatsoever. I'm getting sick and tired of being sick and tired, as Dave Ramsey would say. But I can't figure out what's holding me back. Apparently, I'm not sick and tired enough. One day I might post my actual weight, but for now, you'll just have to be satisfied that it's A LOT.
My weight loss journey started in 2003. A few months before I graduated from Cal State San Marcos, I decided I would try Atkins (don't worry - I know how bad an idea that is!). In about a month, I lost 20 pounds. That was great as a kick start, but completely unsustainable. I gave up the Atkins and over the next year, managed to keep off 12 pounds.
In 2004, at the end of August, I signed up for WW for the first time in my life. My sister had been on it for several months and was really successful. She had lost a ton of weight, and being the competitive person I am, couldn't stand that she was losing weight while I wasn't. It was on!
One week after I joined WW, my dad died. I felt like my life was out of control. I didn't do as well in school that semeseter as I could have because I couldn't seem to focus on anything school related. But, I could focus on food. And focus I did. It was something I had absolute control over, and I watched my points and tracked my food for days, weeks, months without letting up. My momentum carried me to a 25-pounds weight loss in the first 5 months (including Christmas and New Year's!).
Between 2005 and 2006, I lost another 21 pounds.
In that time, I swam, did Walk Away the Pounds videos, lifted weights, never took stairs, and hiked. I was active and had my food under control. I was maintaining--still above my goal weight, but maintaining very well. I had days when I slipped, but I always got right back on track.
And then came pregnancy #2. It was so vastly different from #1. I was nauseated ALL the time. It abated a little when I ate something, so I snacked A LOT. But I was tired. Sheer physical exhaustion. When I came home from work every day, I crashed. I was barely able to get kid #1 dinner and get him to bed before I passed out. I was spotting and worried every day that I would miscarry. And the weight came on, slowly at first but picking up momentum as each month went by. In about my 5th or 6th month, I gained 10 pounds in a month. And that was the month I watched what I was eating! My doctor was concerned about toxemia because of the weight gain (luckily, it wasn't an issue, as I didn't have the accompanying hypertension). Anyway, I gained 60 pounds with Miss Munchkin and have yet to take it off. That's the point I guess.
I am disappointed in myself. I KNOW what it takes to do well at WW. I know exactly what I have to do to take this weight off and keep it off. I can't blame it on WW, as others do when they fail, because it's not WW--it's me. So what the hell is my problem? I haven't figured it out yet, but I am going to keep going. I have to. I can't spend the next 4 years where I am now. I CANNOT turn 40 and feel like this because I know how good it felt to be strong, toned, and in shape.
In 2009, I started WW again at the beginning of the year, go here and here if you want to read about it. And then I changed careers in early 2010, which derailed me again. In November 2010, I started again. By March of 2011, I had lost 9 pounds. I gained it back (exactly 9 pounds) by May. Since June, I have kept 3 pounds off. But really? In 4 years, that's my progress? Ugh, indeed.
This week, I went back to my meeting. And I'm making a commitment to blog about the ups and downs. Please send your positive vibes my way, and don't be shy about commenting - I need the encouragement!
Ugh. Here I am again. It's been almost 5 years since I got pregnant with my cute little munchkin. Nearly 5 years since my weight loss progress came to a screeching halt and made a tire-squealing u-turn back the other direction to the tune of 60 pounds. Ugh is about the only word for it. I've been back to Weight Watchers (WW) 4 times since 2007 with no progress whatsoever. I'm getting sick and tired of being sick and tired, as Dave Ramsey would say. But I can't figure out what's holding me back. Apparently, I'm not sick and tired enough. One day I might post my actual weight, but for now, you'll just have to be satisfied that it's A LOT.
My weight loss journey started in 2003. A few months before I graduated from Cal State San Marcos, I decided I would try Atkins (don't worry - I know how bad an idea that is!). In about a month, I lost 20 pounds. That was great as a kick start, but completely unsustainable. I gave up the Atkins and over the next year, managed to keep off 12 pounds.
In 2004, at the end of August, I signed up for WW for the first time in my life. My sister had been on it for several months and was really successful. She had lost a ton of weight, and being the competitive person I am, couldn't stand that she was losing weight while I wasn't. It was on!
One week after I joined WW, my dad died. I felt like my life was out of control. I didn't do as well in school that semeseter as I could have because I couldn't seem to focus on anything school related. But, I could focus on food. And focus I did. It was something I had absolute control over, and I watched my points and tracked my food for days, weeks, months without letting up. My momentum carried me to a 25-pounds weight loss in the first 5 months (including Christmas and New Year's!).
Between 2005 and 2006, I lost another 21 pounds.
In that time, I swam, did Walk Away the Pounds videos, lifted weights, never took stairs, and hiked. I was active and had my food under control. I was maintaining--still above my goal weight, but maintaining very well. I had days when I slipped, but I always got right back on track.
And then came pregnancy #2. It was so vastly different from #1. I was nauseated ALL the time. It abated a little when I ate something, so I snacked A LOT. But I was tired. Sheer physical exhaustion. When I came home from work every day, I crashed. I was barely able to get kid #1 dinner and get him to bed before I passed out. I was spotting and worried every day that I would miscarry. And the weight came on, slowly at first but picking up momentum as each month went by. In about my 5th or 6th month, I gained 10 pounds in a month. And that was the month I watched what I was eating! My doctor was concerned about toxemia because of the weight gain (luckily, it wasn't an issue, as I didn't have the accompanying hypertension). Anyway, I gained 60 pounds with Miss Munchkin and have yet to take it off. That's the point I guess.
I am disappointed in myself. I KNOW what it takes to do well at WW. I know exactly what I have to do to take this weight off and keep it off. I can't blame it on WW, as others do when they fail, because it's not WW--it's me. So what the hell is my problem? I haven't figured it out yet, but I am going to keep going. I have to. I can't spend the next 4 years where I am now. I CANNOT turn 40 and feel like this because I know how good it felt to be strong, toned, and in shape.
In 2009, I started WW again at the beginning of the year, go here and here if you want to read about it. And then I changed careers in early 2010, which derailed me again. In November 2010, I started again. By March of 2011, I had lost 9 pounds. I gained it back (exactly 9 pounds) by May. Since June, I have kept 3 pounds off. But really? In 4 years, that's my progress? Ugh, indeed.
This week, I went back to my meeting. And I'm making a commitment to blog about the ups and downs. Please send your positive vibes my way, and don't be shy about commenting - I need the encouragement!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Vacation 2011
We've been back from our 12 day road-trip vacation for 3 days now. We're both back to work tomorrow, the little munchkin is back to preschool, and the teenager is back to riding full time for the remainder of his summer. I feel like it was so much longer that we were away. Probably because I've never actually had a 2-week vacation before. Usually, we go somewhere for a week but spend 2 of those days on the road. This trip was mostly road!
July 2-5, we spent driving. Clovis to Salt Lake City to Casper, Wyoming, to Mount Rushmore, to Worthington, Minnesota, and finally to Bloomington, Minnesota. While on the road, we made sure to look for license plates from other states. We racked up a lot of them at Mount Rushmore, but over the course of the entire trip, we got all but 3 states (Hawaii, Rhode Island, and Alabama). We even spotted plates from 5 Canadian provinces!
While in Minnesota, we saw all my siblings and their spouses and kids (minus a brother-in-law and a nephew); aunts, uncle, and cousins from my dad's side of the family; cousins and an aunt from my mom's side of the family; the town where my mom grew up; the largest boot (Red Wing Shoe Museum); Wisconsin across the Mississippi; Como Park Zoo; and the Mall of America.
On the way home, we went through Iowa, Nebraska, Wyoming, Colorado, Utah, and Nevada, coming home through Yosemite. We saw John Wayne's birthplace, which happens to be the same place where a couple of the bridges of Madison County are. We saw 2 of them. In Nebraska, we saw a Pony Express station, and in Wyoming, we saw a Lone Tree in the middle of the highway. We came into Colorado up north through Laramie, Wyoming, and stayed in a ski town where it was about 58 degrees (so nice after the heat and humidity everywhere else on the trip). In Utah, we stayed with my sister and her family for a night. In Nevada, we just drove - it's a long way across!
Our last night on the road, we stayed in Reno, then made our way to Lake Tahoe before taking Tioga Road through Yosemite to get home. We stayed in Staybridge Suites - it was awesome! Lake Tahoe was beautiful. The kids and I had never been there, and we had fun on a trail next to the edge, climbing on rocks and watching a parasailer. The little munchkin got to see snow for the first time on Tioga Road - the road was still closed up until about a month ago, so there is still a lot of snow along the road and in the trees. As always, Yosemite was amazing. The falls were roaring down the rock faces, and we enjoyed the views of the valley from the road, stopping at the Tunnel View overlook to see El Cap and Half Dome one last time on the way out.
We had a wonderful vacation, and survived all that togetherness! We saw quite a bit of the country that we hadn't seen before, found a few geocaches, and got to meet cousins for the first time. But, as with all vacations, it was fantastic to get home!
July 2-5, we spent driving. Clovis to Salt Lake City to Casper, Wyoming, to Mount Rushmore, to Worthington, Minnesota, and finally to Bloomington, Minnesota. While on the road, we made sure to look for license plates from other states. We racked up a lot of them at Mount Rushmore, but over the course of the entire trip, we got all but 3 states (Hawaii, Rhode Island, and Alabama). We even spotted plates from 5 Canadian provinces!
While in Minnesota, we saw all my siblings and their spouses and kids (minus a brother-in-law and a nephew); aunts, uncle, and cousins from my dad's side of the family; cousins and an aunt from my mom's side of the family; the town where my mom grew up; the largest boot (Red Wing Shoe Museum); Wisconsin across the Mississippi; Como Park Zoo; and the Mall of America.
On the way home, we went through Iowa, Nebraska, Wyoming, Colorado, Utah, and Nevada, coming home through Yosemite. We saw John Wayne's birthplace, which happens to be the same place where a couple of the bridges of Madison County are. We saw 2 of them. In Nebraska, we saw a Pony Express station, and in Wyoming, we saw a Lone Tree in the middle of the highway. We came into Colorado up north through Laramie, Wyoming, and stayed in a ski town where it was about 58 degrees (so nice after the heat and humidity everywhere else on the trip). In Utah, we stayed with my sister and her family for a night. In Nevada, we just drove - it's a long way across!
Our last night on the road, we stayed in Reno, then made our way to Lake Tahoe before taking Tioga Road through Yosemite to get home. We stayed in Staybridge Suites - it was awesome! Lake Tahoe was beautiful. The kids and I had never been there, and we had fun on a trail next to the edge, climbing on rocks and watching a parasailer. The little munchkin got to see snow for the first time on Tioga Road - the road was still closed up until about a month ago, so there is still a lot of snow along the road and in the trees. As always, Yosemite was amazing. The falls were roaring down the rock faces, and we enjoyed the views of the valley from the road, stopping at the Tunnel View overlook to see El Cap and Half Dome one last time on the way out.
We had a wonderful vacation, and survived all that togetherness! We saw quite a bit of the country that we hadn't seen before, found a few geocaches, and got to meet cousins for the first time. But, as with all vacations, it was fantastic to get home!
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