Marriage Maturity

I've been thinking a lot about when a person knows that he/she is mature enough to be married. (Not for me - if you don't know, I'm not married and don't plan to be married, but enough about me).  My oldest nephew, at the advanced age of 23, recently announced his engagement and we were told to save the date - 2 whole months later.  That was my first concern - that was awfully quick for a girl we had all just heard about.

Her age is another major concern.  At 19, I didn't know what I wanted out of my life; I sure didn't know who the right person was to spend my life with.  Had I chosen a person at 19 to spend my life with, I likely would have chosen very very badly.  This is not to say that my nephew, J, at 23 would not choose correctly, but he hasn't had a lot of experience in this area - another concern.

So the date was set and plans were being made.  And the main reason for the short engagement and quick wedding was so that the kids wouldn't be tempted to do what they're not supposed to do before marriage (according to a particular religious view, not my own - do it if you wanna do it, I say) and have "an accident."  The girl's dad is serving overseas, so he wouldn't even be there.  Isn't the father being there for the wedding much more important?  I think it is.  If it's important for you to wait to have sex until you're married, then what's a few more months?  If it's important, you'll wait.

J's  prospective future MIL, I found out later, is kind of a bully.  The girl is kind of meek.  Another problem.  Why would you want to get married to a girl whose mother is still telling her what to do?  Do you really want her all up in your business after the wedding?  She will be.

The biggest issue of all, though, is straight up immaturity, on both sides.  After working a full 8-hour day in the sun, the girl wanted J to visit her.  That would all be fine if they lived in the same town, but she is more than 2 hours away.  Practically speaking, working 8 hours outside in the heat of summer then driving 2+ hours there and back doesn't sound like a good time for anyone.  She accused him of putting his work first.  Um, hello, honey - if he doesn't put some importance on his job, won't it be difficult for him to support the new family ya'll are about to have?  Grow up! 

There is so much more to write, but really what I wanted to write is that it's hard to know when a person should get married.  Who's to say when the time is right?  For these two, it's not yet time.  They got into a fight and broke up.  J is hurting and realizes he made some mistakes.  But he is not fully to blame here.  A young girl, not yet ready for this kind of commitment, was feeling pressure to take a very adult step in her life.  She's not ready for this - there are so many signs that she's not.  And J, well, he's not ready either.  He still needs to learn how to take care of himself, to live on his own, and be responsible for his own shit.  Most of all, he needs to accept what he's done wrong here and learn from it.  Stay strong, J.